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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28415916">advanced romantic expressionism &amp; clone disposal</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sian_jpg/pseuds/johnny-and-dora'>johnny-and-dora (sian_jpg)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>more than words can say [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Community (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Communication, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Season/Series Finale, Reunions, little to no angst bc they've suffered enough</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:06:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,935</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28415916</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sian_jpg/pseuds/johnny-and-dora</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay. No more lava. No more clones. Nothing else left to bare. If he really has <em>the heart of a hero</em>, Troy should probably start acting like it.</p><p>or, troy comes home to abed. the only problem is, he's not sure which version of abed he's coming home to.<br/>(post-canon reunion fic)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Troy Barnes &amp; Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes &amp; the Study Group, Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>more than words can say [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2283290</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>229</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. to the ends of the earth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Troy wrestles with the compulsion to come back, and learns a few things about himself on his journey.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so basically what's happened is that 'geothermal escapism' makes me so viscerally sad that i refuse to accept it as final and so nearly 12k words later, here we are. i'm not saying this is my pitch for the movie, because 90 minutes of troy &amp; abed talking about their feelings probably won't make the final cut, but i am saying this is canon until proven otherwise, and even then i'll probably just go with my version anyway. i hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pierce dies, and he gives Troy a boat, his childhood hero, the promise of fourteen million dollars, and the thing he’s been chasing after his whole life – the chance to learn how to be a man.</p><p>A lot of other things happen before that. Good things. Important, life-changing things. Crazy things that only get crazier the further away from Greendale that he gets. Like the whole campus is enveloped in some sort of weirdness bubble, and you only realise the rest of the world doesn’t have epic paintball games, air conditioning repair cults, and loose monkeys in vents when you meet the rest of the world and everyone else’s college stories are about getting drunk and having sex.</p><p>But then Pierce dies. Troy sets sail from Greendale parking lot on a bright Saturday morning and manages not to cry until he and LeVar are actually on the water. Which is pretty impressive, all things considered. Colorado is a famously landlocked state.</p><p>He doesn’t know exactly how this trip is going to help him learn how to become a man, other than earning him a hell of a lot of money when it’s done, because lots of money seems like a very manly thing to have. It’s not like Pierce left specific instructions, and even if he did, Troy’s pretty sure that most of them would be weird and gross and probably a bit racist. So, in the beginning, he sits back and assumes it will just happen on its own.  </p><p>The thing about sailing around the world is that, by design, you learn a lot of things about yourself while you’re doing it. Troy’s seen enough movies to know a hero’s journey when he’s having one.</p><p>Troy learns that he’s really good with his hands. He knew that already, kinda, but it’s nice to know he doesn’t have to be limited to either plumbing or air conditioner repair. He learns to love sailing, even if all the made-up boat words don’t really make sense to him. LeVar is a good teacher and a good listener. Troy doesn’t think about sailing lessons in the Greendale parking lot. Troy doesn’t think about Greendale. It’s just easier. Instead, he just cries a bit and stares out wistfully across the ocean as the sun dips below the horizon, hoping it at least looks cool and cinematic. He owes Abed that, at least.</p><p>(Sometimes, knowing exactly what Abed would be saying or doing if he were here makes him feel better. Sometimes it makes him feel even worse.)</p><p>Troy learns how to negotiate with amateur pirates and some remedial Spanish that’s still better than anything Chang ever taught him and how to make a really kickass paella. It’s rarely anything specific, the things that make him cry. Little things that remind him of home. A stranger in an Inspector Spacetime shirt and skinny jeans. The fact he’s still no closer to finding out what makes someone a man. He’s tempted to ask the pirates, but they didn’t leave their contact information. </p><p>Troy learns, about six months in, that he’s really terrible at being a clone. He needed it, at first. But clone maintenance is a nightmare and expensive and Troy is already spending all his money on tacky fridge magnets and genuinely thoughtful souvenirs for the group.</p><p>So, when he dives off the boat when it’s moored off the coast of Argentina, he lets his clone body sink to the bottom of the ocean and emerges as himself again, lighter than he’s felt in weeks. Not original Troy, but not clone Troy either. Just Troy, out in the world on his own, quietly rearranging the different pieces of himself until they fit.</p><p>He tries his best to keep in touch. It’s not easy – he quickly loses his phone to the ocean within the first two weeks, enthralled by a dope squad of dolphins swimming by the boat. By the time he’s paid ten pesos for some shitty internet café Wi-Fi, all the study group knows is that he was captured by pirates, and they could be thinking anything. He hastily sends a big group email with the subject line I AM DEFINITELY STILL ALIVE, SORRY GUYS. He cries at every single response he gets. He doesn’t want to forget about Greendale anymore.</p><p>It’s terrifying and freeing at the same time, being New Troy, out in the world on his own. More time passes. He doesn’t learn the secret to being a man. He grows a beard to see if that will help – it doesn’t but he keeps it anyway because it feels right to come back from a long important journey with one.</p><p>Troy learns, slowly, that that he really likes it when attractive men from other countries offer to buy him a drink or ask if he’d like to dance. He learns that New Troy has a lot easier time saying yes, without guilt or fear. He has a slight breakdown in a public restroom and another four on the boat before he comes out to LeVar. That feels pretty terrifying and freeing too. When he finally accepts who he is, it feels as good as diving off the boat and emerging new all over again.</p><p>He wonders if Abed knows.</p><p>He probably does – Abed’s an extremely good observer, that’s one of Troy’s many, many favourite things about him. Troy wonders if Abed thinks about him as much as he thinks about Abed. The longer the trip takes, the more time they spend apart, the longer the gaps in between their emails to each other, the more Troy’s heart aches. The more Troy learns about himself, about who he loves and how he loves, the more Troy wishes he could tell him, but it feels wrong to type the words out while he’s still halfway across the world and not much closer to getting home.</p><p>Because it’s Abed. It’s always been Abed. Long before he knew it was love, Troy has been in love with him. Long before he knew himself, he knew that he wanted to be awesome with Abed until they were old and wrinkly, and now he knows that that’s not usually how people feel about their totally platonic best friend.</p><p>Pierce dies, and he gives Troy a boat, and slowly, surely, Troy learns who he is. He gives himself space and time, and he gives Abed space and time, and when he emails to tell Troy that he’s moving to LA, the final destination of Troy’s journey changes without a second thought.</p><p>“You may experience side effects,” Abed had said that day. “Like a compulsion to come back.”</p><p>The sun dips below the horizon, and Troy dreams of homing pigeons and hot lava, blanket forts and clones, and a life impossibly intertwined. He can’t wait to come home.</p><p> </p><p>***<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The thing about seeing your study group for the first time in just over three years is that you really, really don’t want them to leave again – that’s how Troy finds himself out in the hallway of Abed’s LA apartment building, hugging Shirley one last time while Annie reluctantly ushers everyone out in the direction of the hotel they’re staying at, repeating her promises that they’ll all see each other again tomorrow.</p><p>He waves goodbye again, heart full and eyes misty, caught up in disbelief that any of this is even actually happening. Just this morning he’d been watching the sunrise on the deck of the Childish Tycoon, too excited to sleep. Now he’s in Abed’s apartment, where the group has spent most of the day in a blur of celebration and laughter.</p><p>But as the door swings shut and locks behind him and the cheerful voices of his found family fade away down the hall, Troy suddenly realises he is alone with Abed for the first time in a really, really long time.</p><p>Which is massively overwhelming, to be honest. There’s so much he needs to say, he doesn’t even know where to start. There’s so much they have to talk about, and yet Troy isn’t sure whether he should bring up that he’s gay and certain that Abed is the love of his life before or after they talk about what he’s missed on the past few seasons of <em>Inspector Spacetime</em>.</p><p>He isn’t sure what to say at all, actually, which is exactly what he spent restless nights on the boat being afraid of.</p><p>Luckily, or unluckily, when he turns around Abed isn’t there. There’s a split second where Troy is slightly worried that he hallucinated this whole thing, but Abed’s hoodie is still draped over the arm of the couch and this is definitely his apartment, so it’s more likely that he just went to the bathroom or something.</p><p>“Abed?” He calls, trying to keep the concern out of his voice.</p><p>“Out here.” Comes the quiet reply, and Troy realises there’s actually a small balcony outside what he initially thought was just a big window. Man, LA apartments are so cool. He steps forward but hesitates, sharply reminded that he doesn’t know the rules anymore and that he definitely isn’t excluded from them.</p><p>“Can I come out there, or do you want to be alone?”</p><p>There’s a small pause, and then an “I’ll be inside in a minute.”</p><p>“Okay,” Troy says evenly, and it really is okay. He wants to give Abed as much space as he needs. If Troy is feeling this overwhelmed, he can’t even imagine what’s going on inside Abed’s head. Maybe he’s still seeing lava – maybe he never stopped. Maybe they’ve been stop-motion animated this whole time and he just didn’t want to mention it. Maybe he’s trying to figure out a way to politely tell Troy that he doesn’t want him in his life again and he’s better off without him…</p><p>His brain feels weird, so Troy tries to shake himself out of it by really looking at the apartment for the first time. It’s smaller, but a lot more modern than Apartment 303, with pale blue walls and houseplants and even a small coffee table. It looks like a grown-up’s apartment – but it’s still undoubtedly Abed’s space. Troy can’t help but smile at the extensive Blu-ray collection and the framed <em>Back To The Future</em> poster, a strong wave of nostalgia overwhelming him.</p><p>No-one’s asked him yet, but technically, Colorado is still home. Even if he can’t go back to Apartment 303, his parents are there. Greendale is there, Jeff and Britta are still there.</p><p>And yet here, brushing his fingers over at Abed’s <em>Inspector Spacetime</em> figurines and laughing softly at the various photos of the study group on the walls, Troy has that sense of contentment in his bones that he’s been chasing for years. That sense of belonging he was excited to earn and terrified he’d find thousands of miles away – he feels it now, only a couple of states over from where he started. Despite all his fears that he’s intruding, that Abed doesn’t want him here, this place he’s never stepped foot in before today feels exactly the way he thinks home should.</p><p>Thinking about that too hard only makes him feel worse, though, so Troy decides to at least make himself useful by cleaning up the various plates and glasses the group left behind. There’s a quiet joy in doing such a remedial domestic task for the first time in years, and he gladly loses himself in it. He’s loading the last of the plates into the dishwasher when he hears Abed say “You don’t have to do that” from somewhere behind him.</p><p>Troy finishes anyway and turns to see Abed leaning against the back of the couch. It’s still kinda crazy to see him actually corporal and solid, standing right in front of him, both different and exactly how he remembers.</p><p>Mostly he remembers those eyes. All dark and scrutinising, still gentle and mysterious. Troy hadn’t forgotten how it felt to be looked at like that by Abed – it wasn’t the sort of thing you forgot, even if you were pretending to be a clone just so you had the courage to say goodbye. But to be here, after all this time, and to still have Abed look at him like that…Troy’s legs feel like jelly. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to make it through the entire night without doing something he might regret.</p><p>He can’t just clam up every time Abed so much as looks at him though, otherwise, they’ll never get anywhere, and Troy’s supposed to be able to deal with this now. He’s supposed to be confident New Troy, so he awkwardly wipes his palms on his jeans and tries not to look as nervous as he feels.</p><p>“I know, but I wanted to make myself useful. It’s messy because of me, so the least I could do was clear a few plates.”</p><p>Abed remains as inscrutably neutral as ever. “Still, you’re my guest. You shouldn’t be worried about cleaning up.”</p><p>That feels like being slapped, a little bit, even though it’s not Abed’s fault. Troy doesn’t know how to tell him he doesn’t want to just be a guest. He doesn’t even know where to begin – plus, Abed’s already looking perturbed and anxious enough as it is, wringing his hands and avoiding eye contact.</p><p>“You okay, buddy?” He asks gently, noting the tension in his shoulders, desperate to close the tiny rift between them that time has inevitably caused. Abed looks down at his feet for a second, and then at Troy with those disarmingly wide Bambi eyes again.</p><p>“I’m okay. Just overwhelmed. I’ve simulated this day so many times, it’s…surreal to have it actually happen.”</p><p>Troy feels a little pang of hope - LA Abed still simulates stuff all the time. He wonders if Abed still has that mini cardboard Dreamatorium. Maybe he can build Abed another, better Dreamatorium with some of Pierce’s money.</p><p>Troy doesn’t suggest that – instead, he smiles, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Yeah, me too. Most of the time the only thing that kept me going was knowing that I’d get to see you guys again when I was done…and now I’m here, and everything feels huge and important and special and I don’t want to mess it up.”</p><p>Abed frowns, his brow creasing in an achingly familiar way, genuinely curious. “How would you mess it up?”</p><p>“I don’t know. By saying the wrong things, by not saying things that I should, by not letting you guys talk. I know it’s a dumb thing to stress about, but I really want to do this right. I really want to give you the perfect reunion you deserve.” Troy can’t look at him while he says that last part, abandoning the safety net of talking about the group as a whole. He averts his gaze until he feels the solid pressure of Abed’s hand on his shoulder, firm, and reassuring. The gap between them doesn’t feel as scary or huge anymore.</p><p>“Troy, this is the perfect reunion. Sure, we didn’t get to run towards each other at full speed or even do an airport arrivals lounge scene. But the way we did it doesn’t matter. What’s important is that you’re here. You came back.” Abed says, eyes wide and full of emotion.</p><p>Troy is going to cry. He’s learned to accept that’s just something that he does a lot, and it’s healthy to be in touch with his emotions. Troy has also accepted that at some point, he’s going to have to tell Abed that he’s in love with him.</p><p>But for now, he surges forward, an overwhelming need to hold Abed surpassing everything else. He’s relieved when Abed hugs back – they were both part of a long-overdue group hug before, but this is different. This is just for them. Troy takes it as an invitation to nestle his face into Abed’s bony shoulder, which should be uncomfortable but actually is the best feeling in the world because he smells exactly the same, clean, and warm. That long-sought feeling of contentment overwhelms him again, so much so that he nearly falls asleep right there and then in Abed’s arms.</p><p>“You’re tired,” Abed says matter-of-factly when they pull apart, a small smile on his face. There’s nothing judgemental or accusatory about it, but Troy still feels the need to deny it. There’s just so much lost time to make up for that wasting it on sleeping just feels wrong.</p><p>“Nuh-uh,” Troy says, his conviction unfortunately undermined by a huge yawn. He wilts under Abed’s knowing look. “Maybe? A little…I wanna talk, though.”</p><p>“Me too, but it’s been a long day. We should both get some rest.”</p><p>“Yeah, okay.” He says, and then nudges Abed gently with his elbow. “Besides, we’ve got loads of time, right? When do you go back to work, Hollywood big-shot?”</p><p>Abed’s eyes soften. He’s still looking at Troy like he can’t let himself believe he’s really here. “Not for a few more weeks.”</p><p>“Perfect. We’ve got loads of time to catch up.” Troy grins and instinctively reaches to do their handshake. To his delight, Abed reciprocates, and Troy’s exhausted but can almost feel himself glowing with joy, like he fell into a vat of radioactive waste but the cool kind that gives you superpowers, not the scary real kind that would definitely instantly kill you.</p><p>“You can have my bed if you like.” Abed offers, clearly still concerned with being a good host in a way that breaks Troy’s heart a tiny little bit. It’s only a fracture, but it’s enough to make him ache as he smiles a little too widely and hastily declines. He can fix it later. Truest Repairman, and all that.</p><p>“Nah, I can take the couch. It’ll still be way more comfortable than the boat, trust me.”</p><p>Abed’s brow furrows again but he concedes easily enough – Troy doesn’t know if he can read him perfectly anymore, but he can definitely tell that Abed’s exhausted from the general excitement and chaos of the day too. He gets Troy a pillow and blanket from the linen closet (Troy’s grown up enough to know what a linen closet is and Abed’s grown up enough to own a linen closet now!), pours them both a glass of water each and promptly says goodnight, before awkwardly lingering in the doorway for a second.</p><p>“Troy?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I’m really glad that you’re here. It really was a perfect reunion, and I’m excited to talk when you’re ready.”</p><p>Troy grins, his heart partly full of a love he’s known for years and another enduring love he’s only recently learned to recognise. “I’m really glad I’m here too, buddy. Thanks for letting me stay.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.” Abed looks like he’s about to say more, but stops himself. “Goodnight, Troy.”</p><p>“Goodnight, Abed,” Troy says - Abed nods curtly and closes the door, leaving Troy standing in the living room grinning like an idiot, his heart fluttering in his chest.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>all three chapters are going up at once so i'll save the majority of my ramblings until the end, but seriously thank you for reading this. it's been a labour of love for the past couple months and i'm so excited to free up my brain and actually be able to think about other things &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. follow me to get lost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Troy asks himself what he really wants, and tries to avoid jumping the shark.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Abed’s keeping his distance.</p><p>Which is fine, it really is. Troy knew things wouldn’t be exactly the same when he got back. He’s not stupid – three years is a long time to be gone. It’s hard enough for him to wrap his head around the fact that he’s really here with the group, that he’s really done with the trip, that he has all of Pierce’s money now. He can’t even imagine what must be going on in Abed’s head.</p><p>He doesn’t even know which Abed he’s talking to – Clone Abed, original, or maybe someone entirely new. That’s fine too. Troy’s pretty sure he’s in love with every single version of Abed that’s out there.</p><p>So, it’s fine. F-Y-N-E. Except it does keep breaking his heart, just a tiny bit. The way Abed hangs back, seems just a little quiet and subdued whenever the group isn’t around, still treating Troy more as a guest rather than…someone more permanently in his life than that. The way his hands sometimes linger, sometimes brush against Troy’s back but never stay. He wants to reach out, but he’s not sure how.</p><p>It’s a beautiful sunny afternoon in LA, so Annie and Shirley take it upon themselves to organise a group picnic when Abed mentions there’s a park only a few blocks away from his apartment building. While they get supplies from the grocery store down the street, Jeff and Britta are playing a slightly intense, over-competitive game of frisbee, and Troy and Abed are laying on the grass under a wise-looking old tree, talking about everything and nothing.  </p><p>At the moment, Abed is catching him up on who Frankie and Elroy are, and Troy is racking his brain, trying to think of anything he can do to show Abed that he’s here, that he’s really back for good, that he has no intention of leaving ever again. But he holds himself back. He always holds himself back. How can he not? He’s not even sure if Abed wants him to stay.</p><p>That’s what Troy keeps asking himself, lying awake on Abed’s couch at night. What does Abed want? But more importantly, what does he want? He’s done with the trip and he has Pierce’s money. What is he going to do with his life now?</p><p>“I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life now.” Troy buries his face in his hands, suddenly overwhelmed. Abed stops talking about Elroy’s RV and hums sympathetically. He wants to bury his head in Abed’s shoulder again like he did last night, but restrains himself, not wanting to overstep. “What do you think I should do?” He peeks through his fingers at Abed, who is watching him carefully.</p><p>“You’re a multi-millionaire now, Troy. I think you should be able to do whatever you want.”</p><p>Whatever he wants. Well, that’s easy. Over and over again, laying on that couch, trying to sleep, it’s all he can think of. He just wants to be close to Abed. He just has to have the courage to actually tell him that.</p><p>Troy sits up, and Abed follows him. They watch Jeff and Britta for a little while before Troy clears his throat, tries not to sound nervous. “Hey, you know when Pierce’s wipes got really popular with the LGBTQ community and he held that big gay party?”</p><p>Abed raises his eyebrows – Troy flushes a little, aware that this seems like a pretty weird non-sequitur. Of course, he has things to tell Abed in that particular department (including an amazing sci-fi futuristic gay bar he stumbled across in Amsterdam) but that’s a whole other conversation he’s not even remotely ready to have right now. This part has to come first – their friendship comes first, always.</p><p>“Yes,” Abed says, reminiscing. “Chang went home with a drag queen, which in hindsight seems like subtle foreshadowing for the eventual finale plot twist reveal of his sexuality.”</p><p>And, okay, that particular reveal stumps Troy for a moment, but he swallows all the questions he has – not the time. He has so, so many questions, but this is more important.</p><p>“Right. Well, do you remember that the plumbing guys and the weird air conditioning repair cult were trying to make me choose between them? And I asked you what to do and you said I should do what I want, and I decided what I wanted to do most was watch TV with you?”</p><p>Abed doesn’t smile, exactly, but his eyes look gentle and fond in a familiar way that makes Troy feel fizzy all over. “Yes, I do.”</p><p>And this is where Troy gets nervous, like the angry swarm of bees in his stomach kind of nervous, because practising this late at night on the boat when he’s sure LeVar is asleep hasn’t really helped at all. But it’s all he can think about, and after a crazy few years at Greendale followed by a crazy few years sailing around the world, it’s basically the only thing that makes sense to him.</p><p>So, he smiles timidly and says “I think…I think my answer’s still the same. I’m back, and I have some money now that we can spend on some cool things and some important adult life things, and what I want to do most is watch TV with you.”</p><p>Troy tries to gauge Abed’s reaction, but it remains unchanged, so he keeps going, remembering to take deep breaths so he doesn’t accidentally forget to breathe and pass out before he hears his response.</p><p>“So, if it’s okay with you, I think I’m gonna stay in LA. I can get my own place, obviously, if you don’t want to live together again it’s totally chill. But I’d love to visit you on set and see you being a super awesome PA. I’ve missed a lot of cool stuff that I’d really love for you to show me. I really wanna see your show, I bet it’s the most awesome thing ever.”</p><p>Abed is frowning, hard, and he’s not saying anything, and Troy suddenly worries that he might be massively overstepping here, that this is a really bad idea. Hot, unpleasant panic almost overwhelms him, and he has to fight the urge to run.</p><p>“I don’t understand.” Abed finally says in a small voice that makes Troy want to cry. “You could go literally anywhere. You could do anything. I don’t understand.”</p><p>“Abed…” He says gently. “The place doesn’t matter. I…I missed you so much. I’ll go wherever you want to go. I thought about you literally every single day. So, I want to move to LA for you, because now I know just how much it sucks to not be around you.”</p><p>“But…you left to go be your own person,” Abed says, face blank and distant in the way that means he’s genuinely surprised, that Troy has acted unpredictably. “You left because we were too co-dependent. Logically, that should mean that you want to live your own, separate life now.”</p><p>Troy runs a hand through his hair, agitated, desperate to fix this, heart completely broken that he’s managed to fuck up so badly. “Abed, none of that stuff about me wanting to be more independent ever meant I wanted to be completely separate from you. I left because Pierce promised me a butt-ton of money and the chance to finally be a man, which is what I always wanted. Now I’ve got a butt-ton of money, I’m pretty secure in my masculinity, and I know more than ever that I want to live my life right next to you.”</p><p>Abed looks right at Troy like he’s trying to stare into his soul. “You’re staying?”</p><p>Troy attempts a weak but hopefully reassuring smile. “If you’ll have me. I know…I’ve been gone a while. And it’s okay if I don’t fit exactly into your life anymore, but you’re still my best friend, and I-oh.”</p><p>Troy is effectively cut off by Abed wrapping him a tight hug, and oh, that never used to happen before, but this is the second time it’s happened since he’s been back, and he’s really missed being held like this. In his periphery, he thinks he can see Jeff and Britta watching them, but he can’t bring himself to care about that right now.</p><p>“I have things to say, but I’m not sure I can say them right now. This is a lot to process.” Abed’s voice is warm in his ear, and Troy really hopes he can’t hear his thundering heartbeat right now.</p><p>“That’s okay! That’s okay.” He says, patting Abed’s back awkwardly but affectionately. “We’ve got time.” He didn’t manage to get to the whole ‘I love you’ part yet, but it’s okay. They’ve got time.</p><p>“My apartment is tiny,” Abed says quietly, in a way that really means <em>are you sure? </em>and <em>I wasn’t expecting this</em> and probably a million other thoughts he can’t possibly put into words right now. Troy has always loved how Abed’s brain goes at a million miles a minute. He pulls out of the embrace and puts a gentle hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“That’s okay. I’ve slept in some seriously weird places the past few years. Your apartment is great. And if you want, we could always look for a place for the both of us? Together?”</p><p>“Together.” Abed echoes softly, and Troy knows what he wants with more certainty than ever – he wants to give Abed the world. “Casa De Trobed 2.0. That sounds nice.”</p><p><em>Yeah</em>, Troy thinks, as Annie and Shirley return happily toting bags full of snacks. <em>It really does</em>.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>***</p><p><br/>They arrive a little bit a late to dinner the next night, having lost track of time after a long-overdue viewing of <em>The Force Awakens</em> and an in-depth discussion afterwards. Annie and Abed have this covert conversation across the table with just their eyebrows as they slide into the booth, which Troy thinks is cool and a little bit weird at the same time.</p><p>While they wait for their food to arrive, Shirley sips her orange juice and asks, in that same sugary sweet tone he remembers so well, what he wants to do now. Luckily, that kind of question doesn’t scare him as much as it used to. Instead, he sips his Lemon Fresca, glances at Abed who nudges him encouragingly under the table, and says he’s going to stay in LA for the moment.</p><p>“It’ll be good to stay in one place for a while, y’know?” He says, met with several encouraging nods and smiling faces. “LA’s cool. I bet there’s enough work for a freelance air conditioner repairman. And Abed’s gotta catch me up on all the great film and TV I missed. I can’t wait to see his show.”</p><p>They do their handshake across the table. Shirley coos. Jeff and Annie exchange knowing glances that Troy also doesn’t understand - he wonders whether everyone secretly developed telepathic powers while he was away and they’re forgetting to bring him in on it.</p><p>Troy’s still thinking about it on the ride home from the restaurant, buoyed on good food and good company. Is it that obvious why he’s really planning to stay in LA? Does everyone know he’s hopelessly in love with Abed? <em>Does Abed know</em>?</p><p>“Is it okay if we take a detour?” Abed asks from the driver’s seat, pulling Troy out of his anxious spiral and back into the present.</p><p>“Oh, uh, sure man.” Troy smiles at him. The sun is just beginning to go down, and it’s giving him this almost angelic glow, and Troy would follow him absolutely anywhere Abed wants to go. He gives Troy a small smile and they take a left. “There’s a really nice lake not far from here. It’s good for thinking.”</p><p>Good for thinking. Okay. Thinking is good. Troy likes having thoughts.</p><p>“I come here to run all the time,” Abed says when they step out of the car, pocketing the keys. “The light pollution is pretty bad, but on a clear night you can still see a few stars.” He’s right – it’s not as clear as a Colorado night sky, but Troy can just about make out a few of the brighter stars. They wander over to a nearby bench that looks out across the lake.</p><p>“It’s beautiful,” Troy says, and means it, awed by the way the sunset seems to spill into the water. He’s come to love quietly beautiful, secluded places like this, and the fact that it’s special to Abed seems to make it all the more beautiful. They sit quietly for a bit – when it gets darker, they both crane their heads up at awkward angles to try and make sense of the stars.</p><p>He did that a lot, on the boat. When his mind would wander into dark places he didn’t want to visit, he’d try and distract himself by tracing constellations in the sky and making up their names. He almost tells Abed about it, but there’s a peaceful bubble enveloping them both and he really, really doesn’t want to be the one to break the spell.</p><p>After a few minutes, he can feel Abed’s eyes shift from the sky to Troy’s side profile. He shifts his weight and turns so that they’re looking at each other.</p><p>“I’m ready to say some things now.”</p><p>“Okay.” Troy smiles warmly, curiously, hoping this isn’t going to break his heart.</p><p>“When you left…being a clone was hard. I got used to it, but it was like I had to keep rebuilding myself and none of the pieces fit. It took a long time.” Abed stares across the water, wringing his hands in his lap. Troy has to try very hard to look like his stomach doesn’t instantly squirm with guilt, sadness, and regret. He mustn’t do a good job of hiding it, because once his focus is on Troy again Abed gives him a look that tells him to stop.</p><p>“None of that is your fault. I don’t blame you for leaving, I don’t hate you for leaving. I’m glad you did, because now you’re this amazing, suave adventurer New Troy, and I would have hated it even more if you’d stayed just because of me, just because I couldn’t handle it. And I’m okay now, with being a clone. I have a life here in LA, that I built all on my own, and I’m proud of that. I’m finally independent and that’s good.”</p><p>Abed swallows, his voice wobbling with emotion in a way that Troy has very rarely heard before.</p><p>“But now you’re back, and you want to stay with me, and I want you to stay but I’m worried. I’m worried about what might happen if I try to stop being a clone and revert back to original Abed. I’m worried that I don’t even know how to do that. I don’t like not knowing.”</p><p>He looks so devastatingly pensive and sad, bathed in moonlight, like an oil painting of a long-lost lover. Troy’s eyes are stinging. He can barely remember how to breathe. He doesn’t want Abed to be lost.</p><p>“I want things to be the same as they were. I want you to stay here with me, but what if things are different now? What if we’re different people? What if you think you want to live with me again, but actually after a few weeks you realise I’m not the same and you change your mind? There are just too many variables, I can’t - I don’t want to jump the shark. Not with you.”</p><p>Abed looks at him with those big sad eyes again and Troy blinks so hard he sees stars. He blinks and he’s nineteen again, standing in the empty study room with the remnants of a giant cookie in his hand and the lights off to give things a finale vibe. Was that a lifetime ago or just yesterday? It’s hard to tell. One thing is certain - this isn’t a finale, at least not if Troy has any say in the matter.</p><p>He has to get this right, because Abed is still looking at him like that and he has this fear that he’ll turn into starlight soon if Troy’s not careful, drift away into the vacuum of space, forever just out of reach. He brushes his fingers against Abed’s on pure instinct, as if he really is making sure that he’s solid and real, needing to ground himself in this moment.</p><p>He remembers diving off the boat and emerging more himself than he’d ever been, and he takes a deep breath.</p><p>“I – we’re not our original selves, anymore. But I don’t think we’re clones, either? We’re like upgraded versions of ourselves, you have this mega cool job and cool life in a cool city now and you’re gonna be this amazing hotshot director. And I…I needed the trip, because it helped me figure out a lot of important stuff about myself. And it led us both here.”</p><p>He covers Abed’s hand with his then, the way he always used to do, one of their unspoken questions. To his delight, Abed laces their fingers together willingly, never once tearing his gaze away from Troy’s face.</p><p>“The way I see it is that we could try too hard to make things exactly like they were, which was pretty awesome, or say that’s it’s too hard because we’re different now and go our separate ways, but I don’t want to do that. We’re both more independent now, and we could live without each other if we had to, but that’s not what I want. Because you’re my best friend, no matter what, and I’d like to figure out how we fit together in this whole new way, if that’s cool with you.” He gives Abed a small smile as they both absorb his words. Sometimes his habit of just letting the words spill out with practically no filter pays off.</p><p>“I guess I didn’t take that into consideration,” Abed says after a moment. Troy looks at him, curious, and he elaborates. “You keep surprising me. I didn’t think you’d want to stay here with me. I didn’t think you’d fight so hard to still be best friends. I didn’t know if I’d still need to be a clone, but you’re right. I don’t think I’ve been a clone for a while, and things have still been going well so far between us. I can’t predict your behaviour as much as I used to be able to do. Which scared me, I think. But even if you’re New Troy, you’re still the same person I’d hit with a pillow forever, and that’s what matters.”</p><p>That’s what matters. Of course, that’s what matters. As far as Troy’s concerned, it’s the only thing that matters.</p><p>“Yeah. Still me. Still you. Still Troy-and-Abed.” Troy grins, and then his eyes widen. “Oh shit, our morning show has been on hiatus for so long. Our fans must be pissed.”</p><p>Abed’s eyes glitter, and there’s something that feels like joy and maybe a little bit of hope dancing around inside Troy’s chest. His brain is crying but in a good way, like when he stepped into the Dreamatorium for the first time or when Abed liked the cool handshake for best friends that he found online. “I was thinking we could do a revival or a reboot; those are really popular at the moment. Maybe introduce a new travel segment.”</p><p>“Sounds great! So, no jumping the shark?”</p><p>“No. I think we’re going to be okay.”</p><p>He would reach to do their handshake, but their hands are still intertwined, and Troy doesn’t think either of them has any intention of letting go.<br/><br/></p><p>***<br/><br/><br/>The drive home is contemplative and quiet, Troy humming along to the 70s disco on the radio while Abed taps out a beat on the steering wheel. Usually, ABBA gives him an uncomfortable, squirmy feeling for some reason, but with Abed beside him, it seems much easier to deal with.</p><p>They’re as in sync now as they’ve ever been, and it’s making Troy’s heart do all kinds of acrobatics. Three times, he catches Abed’s eye, smiles and shyly looks away. He’s meant to be suave, adventurer New Troy but there’s something so overwhelming about being driven home. Not because he’s always wanted a personal chauffeur or something (although that would be cool), but because he’s in the passenger seat of Abed’s car and they’re driving back to the home that they’re now sharing, at least until they find a more suitable place together.</p><p>The sun went down an hour ago, but this feels like their driving off into the sunset moment. This feels like everything Troy found himself longing for on those long, lonely nights, staring wistfully across the vast expanse of the ocean, resisting the urge to sing <em>Somewhere Out There</em> even though he knows LeVar doesn’t mind him crying at this point.</p><p>Well. It’s not quite<em> everything</em> he’s been longing for. Despite everything, he still hasn’t worked up the courage yet to take the final plunge and admit out loud that he’s hopelessly in love with Abed. Honestly, these last few days have been so perfect that Troy is surprised he hasn’t fucked everything up yet by mindlessly blurting it out.</p><p>It’s tempting now, in this tiny moment they’re sharing in Abed’s car. It’s tempting when they’re making their way up the stairs to Abed’s apartment and he’s rambling excitedly about which TV and movies Troy absolutely has to see as soon as possible. It’s extremely tempting when Abed visibly relaxes and smiles quietly when Troy reaffirms that his show is the one thing that he’s most excited to see.</p><p>That’s how they end up sat side by side on Abed’s bed as he finds the pilot on his laptop. Troy hadn’t seen his bedroom before now, and it really doesn’t help that the first thing he notices is a framed photograph of the two of them on display, right next to the rare collectable X7-Dimensioniser model Troy got him from London.</p><p>They end up watching episode after episode, pausing halfway through to change into their pyjamas and make it a pyjama watch party, because it seems like the right thing to do. It takes quite a while to get through each one because Abed likes to stop every thirty seconds to give Troy some interesting trivia or gossip from the set, but he wouldn’t want to watch it any other way. Abed yawns his way through telling an anecdote about the actors as the credits roll on the fourth episode, which is how Troy knows he’s really tired because Abed never ever falls asleep watching TV. It might actually be physically impossible for him to do so.</p><p>“You okay, buddy?” He asks fondly as Abed rubs his eyes.</p><p>“Just tired. We’ve had a lot of heart-to-hearts in a very short time span. It’s narratively and emotionally very satisfying, but more physically draining than I expected.”</p><p>Troy grimaces slightly. He does not ask if Abed has enough energy for one more heart-to-heart, even though they’re way overdue the dramatic love confession at this point. Instead, he rubs the back of his neck sheepishly and says “Sorry about that. I’ve just had a lot of time to think about all this, I guess. I should have realised it was all gonna come spilling out of me pretty much the second I saw you again.”</p><p>“Don’t apologise. It’s good. And I’m very happy to share more of the show with you, but right now I think we should go to bed.”</p><p>“Yeah. It’s super awesome, I can’t wait to watch more.” He sits up and rubs his face, trying and struggling to regain just enough energy to actually make it out of bed back into the living room.</p><p>Abed watches him for a moment, then says “You can sleep here tonight. If you don’t want to move.” It’s as casual as anything Abed ever says, and Troy hopes he does a good job of concealing his internal freak out as he smiles and nods, fighting a yawn.</p><p>“Okay, that would be great. Thanks, man.”</p><p>“No problem.” Abed gets up to carefully move his laptop off the bed, then crawls under the covers next to Troy, facing away from him. “I’m going to turn out the light now. Goodnight.”</p><p>“Night” Troy says sleepily as he burrows under the covers himself, feeling comfortable and warm and safe. His body is definitely tired but falling asleep is harder than he initially expected. His mind is buzzing, probably because they’re sharing a bed and they haven’t shared a bed in three years and it’s just a little bit earth-shattering. Judging by Abed’s breathing and the way he keeps shuffling and adjusting his position, he’s having a similar problem.</p><p>There’s something that’s been at the back of Troy’s mind for a long time now, pretty much ever since he stepped onto the deck of the Childish Tycoon. He saw volcanoes in Iceland and cried for a reason it was really hard to explain to LeVar. There’s something so sacred and vulnerable about sharing this space (despite the fact they’re not even touching), and Troy doesn’t think he’ll be able to properly, finally rest until he asks. So.</p><p>“Abed?” He says softly, blinking in the dark.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Are you…are you still seeing lava?”</p><p>There’s a pause that feels like it lasts a lifetime, but eventually, Abed responds, voice even and controlled and above everything else, honest. “No. Not anymore.”</p><p>It’s a lot easier to fall asleep after that.</p><p>He wakes up once in the night, chasing after a sweet dream that fades almost as soon as he opens his eyes. It’s still dark outside, and everything feels so peaceful and still – Troy’s still used to being lulled to sleep by the gentle rock of the boat. He gradually becomes aware of a gentle weight and realises that in his sleep, Abed’s arm has unfurled and come to rest protectively around Troy’s waist. To say his whole brain is crying would be a huge understatement.</p><p>Okay. No more lava. No more clones. Nothing else left to bare. If he really has<em> the heart of a hero</em>, Troy should probably start acting like it.</p><p>But for now, Troy takes advantage of the peace and quiet, because god knows they never get enough, and lets himself be lulled back to sleep by the soft rise and fall of Abed’s peaceful little snores.</p><p>When he wakes again, sunshine is peeling through a gap in the curtains and Abed is gone. All he’s left with is a text saying he went for a run, a dry taste in his mouth and a whole colony of butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Troy thinks about the lava again, then opens up a new tab and Googles <em>opposite of jumping the shark</em>? </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>bed-sharing! sharing a bed!!!!!! god!!!!<br/>i'm taking my chapter titles from a personal holy trinity of trobed songs. if you haven't listened to 'if i die before you' yet, or you haven't listened to it in a while, go do it. i get a little spark of joy every time i hear it, as opposed to ends of the earth which is also great but very much makes me cry.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. make me warmer in the summer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Troy and Abed say goodbye to the rest of the study group, and Troy thinks about his future.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Saying goodbye to everyone is just as hard as he thought it would be.</p><p>“It’s not goodbye, pumpkin, not really,” Shirley says sweetly as she pats him on the shoulder and hands him a tissue. “Not like last time. You know you and Abed are welcome to come visit Atlanta whenever you’d like.” She raises her eyebrows. “I know you can afford it.”</p><p>“Same for us,” Jeff says as Britta nods enthusiastically. “Provided Greendale’s actually still standing by the time we get back.”</p><p>“Besides, we’re all getting back together for Thanksgiving, right?” Annie says as she pulls away from hugging Abed. “So, we get to do this all over again in a few months. You can’t get rid of us that easily, Troy Barnes.” She teases, prodding him lightly, and he’s so thankful to have her back. He’s so happy to have all of them back in his life. His family.</p><p>“Thanks, you guys.” He says, grinning at them all. “This week has been awesome. You’re all awesome. Thank you for making me feel so at home.”</p><p>It’s worth saying just to hear Annie and Shirley ‘aww’ in unison again. They’ve had a lot of group hugs over the years, but this one feels extra special if a little bittersweet. Troy wipes at his face again after he watches Jeff, Britta, Shirley, and Annie all walk into the airport, and his pulse suddenly quickens as he realises him and Abed are finally, actually properly alone together now.</p><p>This is going to be what life is like, at least for the foreseeable future. Like everyone else, Troy can’t see the future, so he doesn’t really get why that’s an expression. But as he turns to Abed, he really hopes it’s his future that he’s looking at.</p><p>“That last part goes double for you, man. Thank you, seriously. For making this feel like home.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.” Abed looks down at his sneakers, and then back to Troy. “It is your home, now, anyway. For as long as you want.”</p><p>“As long as you’ll have me, buddy.” Troy grins, and they do their handshake. It just feels right.</p><p>The rest of the day passes in a blur – they catch an anniversary showing of <em>Jaws</em> at this really cool old theatre that Abed loves. Troy delights in watching him mouth along perfectly to most of the dialogue as he eats way too much buttered popcorn. They hang around a nearby arcade for a while, and Troy wins a pencil sharpener and a small stuffed frog that he immediately gifts to Abed. The sweet smile he gives Troy in return makes him feel all fizzy. They get burgers and fries and have a long in-depth discussion about their updated <em>Star Wars</em> movie rankings and it all just feels so right. He knows not every day will be like this, but that doesn’t matter right now. All that matters is that after everything, they’re still Troy-and-Abed.</p><p>Abed says the whole day would make a pretty great montage as they’re climbing the stairs to his – <em>their</em> – apartment, and Troy’s inclined to agree. They’re a couple of episodes into the latest series of <em>Inspector Spacetime</em> before he can even start to get really nervous again about telling him how he feels.</p><p>There’s been plenty of opportunities throughout the whole day. Throughout this whole past week, really. But every time he comes close, something gets in the way or he loses the courage again before he can do anything about it. They’re nearly done with the episode, and it’s pretty late, so if he doesn’t say something now the moment will be lost, and he’ll have to wait until tomorrow or maybe he’ll never end up saying it and he’ll just live with the words <em>I’m in love with you</em> rolling around in his head for the rest of eternity.</p><p>“Can I ask you something?” Abed asks as the credits roll. It takes Troy by surprise, a little, but he nods.</p><p>“Sure, go ahead.”</p><p>“You said you needed the trip because you learnt a lot of important stuff about yourself. What did you learn?”</p><p>Oh, man. What did he learn? How to make paella and just how deeply in love with Abed he is. He wonders which one Abed would like to hear first.</p><p>“Sorry. I realise that may be too personal, I’m just invested in your hero’s journey.”</p><p>Troy realises he hasn’t actually said anything and gets a little flustered. “No, no it’s okay. Just took me by surprise. Um, okay.” He tries to relax, tries to find some way to make the words he needs to say come out of his mouth, but no sound seems to be coming out, which is frustrating because he usually has no problem speaking without a filter.</p><p>“Is something wrong? You’re doing your LeVar Burton face.” Abed frowns, and Troy exhales a little breathless laugh, heart hammering in his chest.</p><p>“I…um. It’s just that there is this one thing I learnt. Something big, and kinda scary that I need to tell you.”</p><p>“Oh. Spooky monster scary or grandma died scary?”</p><p>“Neither, actually. Different kind of scary. Good scary, I think.”</p><p>“Oh. Okay.” Abed’s hands start fidgeting in his lap, and he looks worried. It comes dangerously close to breaking Troy’s heart, knowing he might be causing Abed discomfort for even a single second. It’s that, of all things, that propels him forward.</p><p>“The thing is, like I said, I learnt a lot about myself on the trip. And what’s important to me. And the big thing is that I realised that I’m, like, super in love with you.”</p><p>And oh, it’s worth it just for the look on Abed’s face.</p><p>“Oh.” Abed says, completely frozen with genuine surprise, and Troy can’t feel his toes but it’s okay, because it seems to be enough to just open the dam completely and let all his feelings finally come flooding out.</p><p>“Yeah. I love you. I was just too dumb or too scared to realise it until I was halfway across the world searching for that big epiphany, the thing I felt like I was missing, and it just clicked. It had been right there beside me the entire time. You had been there right beside me that entire time. Even if you weren’t physically there, I was always thinking about you or what you’d say or do, the things I’d show you, the things we’d do when I got back.”</p><p>He's doing it. He’s doing the big love confession. Even if Abed doesn’t feel the same way, Troy knows he’ll at least appreciate the use of the trope.</p><p>“And that doesn’t change anything I’ve said or done since I’ve been back. That’s all still true. Just being here, with you, I’m so happy. And it’s totally chill if you don’t feel the same way. But…you should know. I wanted to tell you the moment I got back, it’s just been so huge in my brain and I was so obsessed with giving you the perfect reunion that I didn’t want to fuck it up and- “</p><p>“Troy” Abed breathes softly, saving him from his spiral. He has the most beautiful eyes. He tentatively puts his hands on Troy’s shoulders, holds his hopeless gaze, firm and steady. Then he carefully pulls back, tilts his head ever so slightly, squints just a little bit.</p><p>“W-what are you doing?” Troy manages to stammer, even though he already feels like he’s about to explode at the most innocent of touch.</p><p>“Framing you,” Abed says, in such an <em>Abed </em>way that it makes Troy want to laugh, cry, and kiss him all at once. “You’re lit really nicely right now. I want to be able to memorise every bit of this moment. And then what comes next.”</p><p>Troy is going to die right here and now if what comes next isn’t what he really hopes it is. Actually, Troy might die even harder if it is what he hopes it is. He swallows hard and nervously asks “What comes next?”</p><p>Abed doesn’t bother with words anymore – he’s always preferred to let his actions speak for themselves, anyway. He just leans in to kiss Troy, and the whole world explodes into Technicolour.</p><p>Troy’s never had a movie kiss before, never had a kiss so good that his foot popped or one that felt happy ending worthy. But Abed makes this pleased little sound when Troy slips his tongue into his mouth, and that alone deserves three Oscars at least.</p><p>“Oh.” Troy gasps shakily as they break apart, then immediately come back together again. Abed’s basically on top of him so quickly and his hands are absolutely <em>everywhere</em>, cupping his ass, trailing up past his waist, reaching up to touch his face. Each new point of contact sends a pleasant shiver down his spine, like being lightly zapped with lightning. He’s kinda disappointed that his skeleton isn’t lighting up, but he thinks Abed can understand just how good it feels from all his little gasps and whimpers and soft little noises he keeps making.</p><p>“Do you have any idea – “Abed says in-between kisses, as flustered as Troy has ever seen him, his hair dishevelled, and his pupils blown wide – “How hard it’s been. To not do this every moment we’ve been alone together for the past week.”</p><p>“I know, I know,” Troy claims his mouth again, and then presses their foreheads together, eyes squeezed shut. His heart is beating like crazy. “Me too. The second I saw you out on the dock, I wanted to just run down there and kiss you in front of everyone.”</p><p>Abed hums as Troy opens his eyes again. “I would have liked that. Very cinematic.”</p><p>“I know you would now, but…I had no idea…It doesn’t matter. Now we know how we feel about each other, and we can make out as much as we want without all our friends and LeVar Burton watching.”</p><p>They kiss again, again, again until Troy is smiling too wide to be kissed anymore, so Abed kisses the corners of his mouth instead, eyes all crinkled with happiness. “You’re right. This is better. It’s a more satisfying payoff, narratively, to have us confess our feelings first.” He says, then stops, furrowing his eyebrows in an extremely Abed way. “Wait, this is wrong. I haven’t done any confessing yet.”</p><p>“That’s okay,” Troy says breathlessly, mainly because he thinks he might die if Abed does any confessing right now especially considering he’s literally in Troy’s lap at this point. “I’ll show you a satisfying pay-off.” He’s half joking and half genuinely attempting to flirt. Flirting was not one of the things that he learned how to do on the trip.</p><p>Abed smirks. “Nice.” He removes one of his hands from Troy’s waist to shoot him a small finger gun, then runs a hand through his already floofy hair. Troy’s absolutely mesmerised by his rumpled curls, by his huge brown eyes, his sharp cheekbones, and soft, kiss-bruised lips. He is so unbelievably beautiful.</p><p>“Abed,” Troy says, dizzy on adrenaline and joy and pure, pure love, “You are so unbelievably beautiful.”</p><p>Abed kisses him again in response, sweet and possessive at the same time. It leaves Troy feeling dazed and flushed, his skin tingling from every new touch. He knows what he wants, and what comes next is something he hardly dared to believe was even a possibility - Abed wants him back. It feels like a dream, except it’s better than anything he could have possibly dreamt.</p><p>What comes next would make a pretty great montage, too. But it’s for them, and only for them to see.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>***<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Sunshine is spilling through the curtains again when Troy blinks himself awake – this time, though, Abed’s still here, his impossibly wiry limbs tangled up with his, a peaceful expression on his face as he sleeps. Troy’s breath catches as he admires him, and then again as images of last night come flooding back. He’s so full of love that it feels like he’s never going to be able to do anything else other than stare at Abed for the rest of his life.</p><p>It’s not a bad fate. Sure, he’ll miss food, and some really awesome movies, but he doesn’t think being unable to tear his gaze away from the love of his life is a bad way to go.</p><p>Abed stirs and nudges closer to him, murmuring something completely unintelligible. Extremely carefully, Troy uses his free arm to reach over and gently card his fingers through Abed’s soft dark hair. His eyes flutter open too, after a little while – Troy stops for a moment but continues to caress him after a small noise of protest.</p><p>“Keep going. You feel really nice.” Abed’s voice is a little gravelly, still thick with sleep as he nestles even closer, pillowing his head on Troy’s upper chest. They discarded their pyjama tops at some point last night when they were fervently making out – all Troy remembers is Abed demanding that he take his shirt off as he kissed Troy’s neck, and it’s all a bit of a blur from there. A good blur. The best.</p><p>“Yeah?” Troy asks, smiling dopily.</p><p>“Yes. I always liked it when you stroked my hair. It makes me feel good.”</p><p>“Good. I want to make you feel good.” Troy flushes a little as he says it, but if Abed notices he doesn’t say anything, just sighs contently. They stay like that for a while, chests falling and rising in sync, enjoying the peace of the moment. The bubble only bursts when Abed’s phone goes off and he rises to get it.</p><p>“It’s Annie,” Abed says somewhat apologetically, rubbing at his jaw before tapping out a quick text. “We usually call on Sunday mornings. I’ll tell her I’ll call her back later.”</p><p>“You guys can chat! It’s cool, I don’t wanna deprive you of quality Annie time.” Troy says, but Abed shakes his head, putting his phone back down and nestling back into Troy’s embrace.</p><p>“She’ll understand. I’d rather stay with you right now. I want to be in this moment for as long as possible.”</p><p>“Okay.” Troy grins, eagerly wrapping his arms around his best friend. He just wants to be touching him all the time, as impractical as that is probably doomed to turn out to be. “We can do that.”</p><p>“Cool. Thank you. I love you.”</p><p>Okay. As brain-wrinkling, earth-shattering moments go, that one feels pretty spectacular. He sits up and Abed follows him.</p><p>“You love me?” Troy breathes, marvelling at how it feels to know that.</p><p>“Yes. Did I not make that clear last night?” Abed frowns, and Troy lets out a shaky, breathless laugh.</p><p>“No, no, you did, it’s just. It’s out there in the world now. I love you and you love me. We love each other.”</p><p>“Yes, we do,” Abed says, and just like that, it’s an unshakeable fact. “I know I didn’t get to do any actual confessing last night, but I hope you know I feel the same way about you.”</p><p>Troy looks at him in awe, before realising there’s just one last gap they need to fill. He tries not to get clammy. “So…are we…I mean can we, um- “</p><p>“Troy,” Abed says lovingly, patiently, rescuing him from making a complete idiot out of himself. “Would you like to be my boyfriend?”</p><p>“Yes.” Troy grins, heart soaring. He presses a light kiss to Abed’s cool, dry lips, then another, then another, each one accompanied with another affirmation. “Yeah, let’s be dating immediately please.”</p><p>“We’ll have to tell the group.” Abed says nonchalantly, a slightly mortifying fact that had somewhat alluded Troy’s full attention until now.</p><p>“Oh, man. How d’you think they’re gonna react?”</p><p>Abed looks thoughtful. “Britta will be almost too supportive and aggressive in her allyship, but she’ll mean well. Jeff will act like he knew this whole time and will pretend to not care that much but will secretly be very happy for us. Annie will also probably act like she knew the whole time, but has more authority considering she’s listened to me hopelessly pine after you for years now. And Shirley…I think Shirley will be happy for us. She’s come a long way, and I think she just wants us both to be happy.”</p><p>That’s a lot of information to process in such a short space of time. Based on Abed’s proven future-prediction skills, he suspects it will probably play out exactly like that, which makes the whole idea a little less scary. Once Troy’s brain is done unravelling, his heart snags on one particular detail.</p><p>“Wait, hold on. You were hopelessly pining after me? For years?”</p><p>Abed’s eyes widen a little, but he nods. “Obviously.”</p><p>“Woah. For how long?”</p><p>Abed stares at him for what feels like a long time before saying anything. “Do you know why I invited you to join the study group?”</p><p>Troy pauses, trying to sort through his memory for the times they’ve talked about this before. A lightbulb switches on in his brain. “Because you knew Annie liked me?”</p><p>“Yes, but that wasn’t the main reason. The main reason I asked you is because I thought you were cute, and I wanted the chance to observe you more closely.”</p><p>Oh. <em>Oh.</em> That’s completely new information to Troy. He can’t deny that there were signs he only noticed when he looked back, of course, but he had no idea just how oblivious and stupid he had been the whole time at Greendale.</p><p>“So, all that time…”</p><p>“Not all that time. But a lot of it. You’re easy to talk to and very emotionally intelligent. You’re honest and selfless and caring. You make me feel safe and understood without ever pitying me or trying to change me. I’d never really had friends before I met you, and then you turned out to be the best friend I’ll ever have. You’re my person. How could I have not fallen in love with you?”</p><p>It’s probably a good thing that Abed saved his confessing until now, because Troy would have probably immediately burst into tears if he’d heard that last night, especially if Abed was still on his lap at the time. He slaps a hand on his forehead.</p><p>“Oh man, I’m so dumb. I’m sorry it took so long for me to figure it out.”</p><p>“You don’t need to apologise. I could have told you, but I didn’t. And…I don’t know if we would have been ready for each other then. Not like we are right now.”</p><p>“Woah,” Troy says again. He still feels a little guilty but tries to put it aside for now. “That wrinkles my brain, but I think you’re right.” Abed plants a kiss on his forehead like he’s trying to unwrinkle it for him, like he’s trying to kiss it better. It works – Troy leans in to claim his lips, again and again, and forgets everything else.</p><p>Minutes, maybe hours pass, he’s not sure. Maybe they’re on dream time. Either way, the sun moves higher in the sky and they end up laying down face to face, half-naked in Abed’s bed, savouring the opportunity to look at each other closely without interruption, without needing any half-hearted excuse to do so. Abed smiles a private little smile that makes Troy want to kiss him again, but instead, he softly asks-</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Nothing. I just really like looking at you.”</p><p>“Oh.” Troy blushes. “I like looking at you too. You’re very nice to look at.”</p><p>Abed hums and reaches out to tenderly trace his jawline. “I like your beard, by the way. It’s a good way to show that time has passed. You look very handsome.”</p><p>Troy flushes pretty much from head to toe, which makes Abed grin, like he’s noting what makes Troy feel good in his head. They’ve been dating officially for a matter of minutes and Troy already feels completely undone by the slightest compliment. “Thanks.”</p><p>“You’re welcome.” Abed says – Troy has a few more moments of shyness before he brightens, remembering what he learnt yesterday.</p><p>“Hey, it means no jumping the shark, right? I looked it up online. Turns out the opposite of jumping the shark is growing the beard. How cool is that? I was trying to make sure we wouldn’t do it and I didn’t even know I was doing it, even though personally I think growing a beard is way less effort than jumping a shark but still- “</p><p>“Troy,” Abed says intently, “It seems important that I let you know that I find you talking about TV tropes extremely attractive.”</p><p>“Oh.” Troy swallows. “Noted.”</p><p>Abed nods. “Good. I’m going to take a shower now. Would you like to join me? I don’t know if you still get lonely, but I think I can help with that.”</p><p>Troy swallows again, suddenly finding it very difficult to speak. There’s a faint ringing in his ears. “Uh, yeah. Yes. Let’s absolutely very much go do that.”</p><p>He overhears snatches of Abed’s conversation with Annie, much later when they’re clean and dry and fed and watered. He doesn’t get much of Annie’s side, but he does hear her delighted little squeal when Abed divulges a PG recount of their evening activities, and grins to himself. He thinks despite everything, things might just end up working out.</p><p><br/>
***<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
He keeps being overwhelmed by the little things.</p><p>The way Abed looks first thing in the morning. The way he sleepily pulls Troy closer before he’s even fully awake yet. Brushing their teeth together in the bathroom. Grocery shopping and workshopping cooler names for the vegetables they buy. Driving around LA and re-enacting scenes from movies they watched the night before. Abed perched on the kitchen counter, hands flapping around erratically as he describes his latest pitch. Resting his head on Abed’s shoulder as they watch TV curled up under his weighted blanket. Taking a long, hot shower together. Kissing each other goodnight. Tiny, intimate rituals that belong to them. Still Troy-and-Abed.</p><p>It’s a blissful domesticity he’s rarely known before. They had their own version with Annie back in Colorado, but this is different. This is something that they’ve built for themselves, put in the time to nurture and care for, and it’s built to last.</p><p>It’s not a perfect montage of blissful romantic moments – it’s better than that because it’s real and happening all in real-time. In reality, they’re still adjusting. Getting to know these new versions of themselves. In reality, Abed’s apartment is an intimate, cosy setting for them to explore their blossoming new relationship. But it’s also only really meant for one person, and Troy can tell that as much as Abed loves him, it can be really overwhelming to go from being completely apart to him being there all the time.</p><p>It’s okay. They spend a lot of time browsing real estate website and getting distracted by the really cool huge mansions. He goes on long walks around the neighbourhood, gives Abed space when he needs it and takes care of him when he needs that too. They deal with it, slowly relaxing into a comfortable, established routine. They make a home.</p><p>Sometimes they still end up walking on eggshells around each other – not literally, apart from that one time when Troy made that disastrous attempt at a romantic breakfast. He’s still carrying around a lot of that guilt. Some wounds are still raw, but they know that they’ll heal with time. Every night he gets to fall asleep in the arms of his best friend, the love of his life. That’s worth breaking a few eggs for.</p><p>He’s usually starting to make dinner when Abed comes home from work, and the way he gets to say, “Hey baby, how was your day?”, chopping vegetables as Abed kisses him on the cheek, is enough to give him shivers from head to toe. He’s never felt more like himself then the way he feels being with Abed. That’s always been true, it’s just amplified now.</p><p>It never occurred to Troy that their big ‘driving into the sunset’ moment doesn’t actually have to happen when they’re in a car. It’s happening now, actually – they’re curled up on the couch together, a huge bowl of popcorn between them, the <em>Raiders of the Lost Ark</em> Blu-Ray menu music playing softly from the speakers. Abed is looking up things about the houses they’re viewing tomorrow, and Troy is thinking about how lucky he is to be so happy and in love. To have his happy ending be only just beginning.</p><p>“You’re being introspective. What are you thinking about?” Abed says, his full attention now on Troy.</p><p>He opens his mouth to answer, then closes it again. “How’d you know I was being introspective?”</p><p>“You scrunch your nose when you’re thinking too hard. It’s very cute. What are you thinking about?” Abed says, undeterred, and Troy smiles at him fondly.</p><p>“You. Us. The future we get to have together now. The future in general and whether we’ll get hoverboards any time soon because I’m kinda mad that <em>Back to the Future II</em> lied to us about that.”</p><p>Abed grins and shoots him a small finger gun, putting his laptop to the side and reaching for the popcorn. “That sounds nice. Our future together. I hope it includes us on hoverboards, but I’ll be happy either way.”</p><p>Troy kisses his cheek and rests his head on Abed’s shoulder, pressing play on the remote. “Yeah. Me too.”</p><p>Their fingers intertwine. It’s so good to be home.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>let's be real i could have used any lyric from pyjama pants for this one right<br/>thank you so much for reading! i've read so many amazing post-canon fics this year and it got to the point where i kinda couldn't rest until i'd reunited these sweet boys and made them talk about their feelings my own way. if you've written a reunion fic, there's a high chance there's a tiny piece of it in here somewhere, so thank you very much for the inspiration &lt;3</p><p>i've worked so hard on this fic and it's about four times as long as what i usually write, so kudos and comments really do mean the world! i don't know how i would have coped with this hell year if i hadn't found community. i'm literally about to write an academic paper for my degree about queer subtext in cult texts, and it's going to be my main case study. i'm extremely excited about it! whoever you are and wherever/whenever you happen to be reading this, i hope you have a really great year. the bar is astronomically low at this point, but the sentiment remains - happy new year, my loves. you can find me @johnny-and-dora on tumblr if that's your thing!</p>
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